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Laer Beren a Lúthien

Laer Beren a Lúthien

PostAuthor: Lúthien » Fri Dec 11, 2009 1:31 pm

this is my longest until now ... I wrote it in the first week of March this year, and kept changing bits of it - Tuilinde gave me some good ideas this summer, and after the Omentièlva I changed another couple of lines.

I tried to preserve both meter and rhyme scheme and in general it seems to work. I was surprised to find that the limitations set by that rather worked as a stimulus than as a limitation - it is like the narrow embedding defined by such rules works as a huge creativity booster. The smaller available maneuvering space makes easier to fashion the whole thing. Not sure if that makes any sense, but that's how I experience it.
[trow][tcell]The leaves were long, the grass was green,
The hemlock-umbels tall and fair,
And in the glade a light was seen
Of stars in shadow shimmering.
Tinuviel was dancing there
To music of a pipe unseen,
And light of stars was in her hair,
And in her raiment glimmering.[/tcell]
[tcell]I nimwaloth* i bain a phant,
i laiss in end calen nadhras*
a egennir galad vin lant
elin vi uial thiliol.
Tinúviel i lilthas ias,
na lind o simp* dholen a brand
a vi finnil dîn glîn ennas,
a vi chammad dîn míriol*.[/tcell][/trow]
[trow][tcell]There Beren came from mountains cold.
And lost he wandered under leaves,
And where the Elven-river rolled
He walked alone and sorrowing.
He peered between the hemlock-leaves
And saw in wonder flowers of gold
Upon her mantle and her sleeves,
And her hair like shadow following.[/tcell]
[tcell]Nu laiss Beren erui padas
ab aegais ring dad túliel,
ennas i elduin* sirias
ho nûr a erui reniol.
Dan min laiss gwaloth tíriel
glinthant ’lassui mellys ennas
na choll a rainc dîn derthiel,
finnil esgalui aphadol.[/tcell][/trow]
[trow][tcell]Enchantment healed his weary feet
That over hills were doomed to roam;
And forth he hastened, strong and fleet,
And grasped at moonbeams glistening.
Through woven woods in Elvenhome
She lightly fled on dancing feet,
And left him lonely still to roam
In the silent forest listening.[/tcell]
[tcell]I lûth nestant i dail naegrol
berthennin dhyl athreviad*;
agamp geleg ho vell, bragol,
mabant ithildim thiliol.
Trî 'aladhremmin eldorath*
he dregas fair na dail lilthol,
awarthant Beren reniad
erui vi daur dhínen lastol.[/tcell][/trow]
[trow][tcell]He heard there oft the flying sound
Of feet as light as linden-leaves,
Or music welling underground,
In hidden hollows quavering.
Now withered lay the hemlock-sheaves,
And one by one with sighing sound
Whispering fell the beachen leaves
In (the) wintry woodland wavering.[/tcell]
[tcell]Sui laiss dulus i thail ellint*
lastant ennas lhyss reviol,
a vi imlaid thyrin i lind,
ennas eithelui tuiol.
Si nimwaloth i tharn, thinnol,
a thloss ab loss vin chelch thind
laiss e-mrethil vi daur dharthol
sí gwilwilethui hain dannol.[/tcell][/trow]
[trow][tcell]He sought her ever, wandering far
Where leaves of years were thickly strewn,
By light of moon and ray of star
In frosty heavens shivering.
Her mantle glinted in the moon,
As on a hill-top high and far
She danced, and at her feet was strewn
A mist of silver quivering.[/tcell]
[tcell]Ún chir* hen, revias palan
laiss caedennin anann ennas,
nu 'ilgalad a nui gúran*
vi menel edhring míriol.
Nu ithildim coll dîn tinnas,
or caw amon, haeron a brann
na dail peliol, he lilthas,
i chîth gelebren hwiniol.[/tcell][/trow]
[trow][tcell]When winter passed, she came again,
And her song released the sudden spring,
Like rising lark, and falling rain,
And melting water bubbling.
He saw the elven-flowers spring
About her feet, and healed again
He longed by her to dance and sing
Upon the grass untroubling.[/tcell]
[tcell]Udul he ad ne thrîw dregol,
linn dîn leithiant i ethuil,
sui tuilinn a rhoss dannol,
a nen udul ed loss glavrol.
Egenn tuiad niphredil
na dail dîn, nestas aphadol
anírant lilthad na mrennil
linnol am nadhras úbrestol.[/tcell][/trow]
[trow][tcell]Again she fled, but swift he came,
Tinuviel! Tinuviel!
He called her by her elvish name;
And there she halted listening.
One moment stood she, and a spell
His voice laid on her: Beren came,
And doom fell on Tinuviel
That in his arms lay glistening.[/tcell]
[tcell]He dregas ad, dan ho nerant:
Tinúviel! Tinúviel!
Eneg edhellen dîn estant
adhor ennas lû hen lastol.
Ne phost thent Beren, túliel
na lûth ed lam dîn gen gwedhant,
si barthannen Tinúviel
dorthas vi rainc dîn thiliol.[/tcell][/trow]
[trow][tcell]As Beren looked into her eyes
Within the shadows of her hair,
The trembling starlight of the skies
He saw there mirrored shimmering.
Tinuviel the elven-fair,
Immortal maiden elven-wise,
About him cast her shadowy hair
And arms like silver glimmering[/tcell]
[tcell]Beren tirant na chîn iell
vi 'wath finnil dîn velui,
o elenath aglar menel
egent ennas i míriol.
» Tinúviel elvanui
» Elleth alfirin edhelhael,
» O hon ring finnil fuinui
» A rainc gelebrin thiliol.[/tcell][/trow][trow][tcell]Long was the way that fate them bore,
O'er stony mountains cold and grey,
Through halls of iron and darkling door,
And woods of nightshade morrowless.
The Sundering Seas between them lay,
And yet at last they met once more,
And long ago they passed away
In the forest singing sorrowless.[/tcell]
[tcell]I dhoer manath únodui,
trî annon dûr, angren thamas,
am ered gondeb, hithui
a thaur dhúatheb angoeol.
I aearon min hain dorthas,
govanner hai na vedui,
pelanner io anann ennas
úníniel vi daur linnol.[/tcell][/trow]
[trow][tmulticell=2]Nimwaloth – constructed from nimp + gwaloth white-flowering
calen nadhras <- poetic word order
simp – from Q. simpa noun "pipe, flute" (LT1:266)
míriol - from míria- to shine like a jewel, to sparkle like jewels (PE17:24)
Elduin – “Elven River” - constructed cf. Elvellon, Ellon, Elleth & duin “River” (Anduin, Esgalduin, Baranduin)
Athreviad – “roamed across” ath- across + reviad (gerund used as inf)
Eldorath - “elven lands” (el + dôr + collective plural -ath) cf, Ennorath Central lands
Ellint – intensified lint swift (an- + i-affection, nasal mt.) “very swift”
ún chir – archaic negation
gúran – Noldorin “Crescent moon”

I wondered whether “shivering” was referring to the moon and the star (or their light) – or to Beren. I first thought of the former, hence translated it into míriol. But it might very well be interpreted as the latter in which case giriel could be used. It does not rhyme with hwiniol however and I have not yet found a solution.
»Tinúviel ... thiliol by David Salo (as sung by Aragorn in the LORT movie). I only changed his plural form renc into rainc

Many thanks to Eryniel, Ailinel and others of Mellyn Lammath (sindarin.de) for support and suggestions; to Tuilinde for some great suggestions; to Thorsten Renk, David Salo and Didier Willis. I mostly followed Thorsten Renk's interpretations of the existing ambiguities.
[/tmulticell][/trow]
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Lúthien
 
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