Don't die of shock! I've found some time to enjoy your tale.
You always know what's going to happen when a character says "There's only one thing you mustn't do....." Nothing changes much!
I do like it very much indeed - and I'm learning lots from the way you use tenses and cases to make rhymes more possible. Like Huanarmo I've copied it into my poetry file, so that I can enjoy it any time, and study the details.
There's only one possible problem in it, but it may be fine to leave it and trust that it will be understood. hiuta which is found in VT 46:6 is the word for "wink, hint". OK so far, BUT in English this would generally be understood as a metaphor. In this sense, "to wink at something" (not someone) is to pretend not to see it. Just like Nelson putting his telescope to his blind eye and saying "I see no signal" (Which of course, is where we get turning a blind eye to something).
Since very few Quenyaists are so fluent that this would cause a difficulty, I think it could be left. But it may be useful for you to know this particular meaning of the word (after all in English the action and the metaphor are the same word!!)
May I also say I love your Haiku Viste as well! I've never tried a haiku, I must give it a go sometime.