Looking carefully at Helge's list, I would probably use yonna rather than yonda for 'enclosed'.
he next line is a complicated mix of singulars and plurals. In colloquial English we would say ' ''White Maidens" was the name for the women' and probably all you need to do in the Quenya is make it "Lossewendi".
Checking in my dictionary, it is very rare to find raiment used in a plural form in English. It is a noun which generally stays in the same form for both singular and plural. And I would be inclined to say their raiment. This is of course no definitive guide as to what the Quenya would do!! Would nassentar lamantar work, or are we then in the realm of the last declineable word?!?!?
Then in the next line I don't understand the mi. Why is it there?
You've used imbe for valley and imbi for among. My poor brain found that confusing. I realise the choice may have been dictated by the rhyme scheme, but could you use a different word for the valley??
In the last section, I believe the English should be Comets like they were rather than alike.
Finally, is it possible to copy and paste it into this forum?
órerámar wrote:Finally, is it possible to copy and paste it into this forum?
Sorry, Tuilinde, I shall not copy it here, but I think I owe you an explanation. I consider Aglardh as a sort of home base, because I have spent there a great deal of time and had a lot of fun. I had decided right from the beginning that this was the only place I would post my texts except from my Home page. In the last 3 years, although I was a member of other forums, I have maintained that resolution and I would like to keep it that way. There will be of course exceptions, as there have already been, like showing a drawing on a haiku or some of my English poetry.
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