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Párendili • View topic - Fairion felehta
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Fairion felehta

Fairion felehta

PostAuthor: órerámar » Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:06 pm

I have posted a poem under work on Aglardh. Comments, critic, corrections are most welcome either on Aglardh directly or here.

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Re: Fairion felehta

PostAuthor: Tuilinde » Thu Jun 10, 2010 5:17 pm

Finally I have made time to read your poem. Please forgive me for not getting to it any sooner.

I have enjoyed it very much, and it's very skilful both in its metre and syllabic count, and also in its rhyme scheme.. I'm definitely wanting to know what happens next!

I have some queries / comments:

Looking carefully at Helge's list, I would probably use yonna rather than yonda for 'enclosed'.

The next line is a complicated mix of singulars and plurals. In colloquial English we would say ' ''White Maidens" was the name for the women' and probably all you need to do in the Quenya is make it "Lossewendi".

Checking in my dictionary, it is very rare to find raiment used in a plural form in English. It is a noun which generally stays in the same form for both singular and plural. And I would be inclined to say their raiment. This is of course no definitive guide as to what the Quenya would do!! Would nassentar lamantar work, or are we then in the realm of the last declineable word?!?!?

Then in the next line I don't understand the mi. Why is it there?

You've used imbe for valley and imbi for among. My poor brain found that confusing. I realise the choice may have been dictated by the rhyme scheme, but could you use a different word for the valley??

In the last section, I believe the English should be Comets like they were rather than alike.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

Finally, is it possible to copy and paste it into this forum?
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Re: Fairion felehta

PostAuthor: órerámar » Fri Jun 11, 2010 10:59 pm

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Re: Fairion felehta

PostAuthor: órerámar » Sun Jun 13, 2010 1:48 pm

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Re: Fairion felehta

PostAuthor: Tuilinde » Sun Jun 20, 2010 12:40 pm

Thanks for that explanation, it makes perfect sense, and I'm quite happy with it. I hope that you will continue to tell us when new works are on Aglardh, so that we can go and read them there, and enjoy and learn!
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Re: Fairion felehta

PostAuthor: atwe » Mon Jun 21, 2010 10:24 am

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Re: Fairion felehta

PostAuthor: órerámar » Thu Jul 22, 2010 8:30 pm

I have updated my poem with a few more lines over on Aglardh.


http://aglardh.middangeard.org.uk/
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Re: Fairion felehta

PostAuthor: Huanarmo » Tue Jul 27, 2010 6:08 am

This is lovely writing. I printed it and was inspired to try reading the Quenya aloud.

It has the wonderful 'flow and ripple' effect that, to my mind, marks fine Quenya writing. May I say Tuilinde's work has this quality too, and an excellent piece I have by Findegil. These works are little treasures; all the hallmarks are there and it's marvellous to be able to turn to such beautiful work, especially when we have only a few gems readily available in published form from Tolkien himself.

Thanks for providing the link. It works very easily to see it that way on the Aglardh site, and having it posted in the one place makes good sense while it is a work in progress.

It pleased me to see the wolves cast as guardians of the White Maidens. They are much maligned beasts, considering they are the ancestors of our own beloved companion hounds. You may have guessed I'm a dog person.

And you can probably tell that I, too, am looking forward to more of this fine tale!

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Re: Fairion felehta

PostAuthor: órerámar » Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:31 pm

"Thanks" to the absolutely horrible weather during my vacation, I managed to write a few more lines - Donat's adventure continues on Aglardh:


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Re: Fairion felehta

PostAuthor: órerámar » Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:44 pm

A new update on Aglardh and hopefully the next one will also be the last one.


http://aglardh.middangeard.org.uk/
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