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Vilie i tuilindo

Vilie i tuilindo

PostAuthor: findegil » Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:11 pm

A translation into Quenya of a poem by the Finno-Swedish author Bo Carpelan, recently deceased. The original can be found at http://dansmonchapeau.canalblog.com/tag/Finlande.


Yá itila viliénen tuilindo telumenna
hortaxe ar cenit aldaron imbi i laimi melindu
sinta i ré núra undómenna, ear as quie ocamna,
tá cemeno mordor milya hwestasse apatírar
ringie lómeva. Lúme fifírua. Pella i hópa
sí mo itintanie calmarya coasse. Ata vanwa
sennave ná vilima cuilesse aurélion aure.



Notes:
vilie* 'flying, flight' (verbal noun from vil- 'to fly')
horta-xe* 'sends itself flying'
melindu* dual 'pair of lovers'
quie noun 'calm (at sea)' (PE 16:143)
ocamna 'conjoined, bound together' (VT 44:14)
*apa-tir- 'look forward to, await'
*ringie 'chill'
fifírua* 'is slowly dying down'
sennave* 'shortly'
*vilima 'volatile, fleeting' (formation from vil- modelled on calima 'bright' from cal- 'shine' and tyelima 'final' from tyel- 'end, cease')

Literal translation:
"When in glinting flight a swallow throws itself towards the sky
and among the shadows of trees the lovers see
the day fade into deep evening, the sea being conjoined with silence,
then in the gentle breeze earth's shadows are awaiting
the chill of night. Time is being stilled. Beyond the bay
someone has now lit his lamp in the house. Gone is
soon again a day of many in the fleeting life."

The form of the original is basically the classical hexameter, though with more metrical variations than are usually allowed. In my translation I have adapted the Latin dactylic hexameter (a quantitative meter) to Quenya. Chief modifications:
• A shortened final vowel -- i.e. one reflecting a long vowel in the archaic or prehistoric language -- may constitute a long syllable when immediately followed by a caesura (as the final vowels of itila and tuilindo in line 1). This is loosely based on what Tolkien tells us of the treatment of similar syllables in accentual verse (The Road Goes Ever On, commentary on Galadriel's Lament)
• The use of elisions is more restricted than in Latin verse. Unstressed -a and -e are elided before initial vowels, except for the article i ; otherwise when two vowels come together, the hiatus is retained.

Of course, comments, criticism etc. are most welcome.

EDIT: I have emended Íre (line 1) to , for better harmony with in line 4.
Last edited by findegil on Tue Apr 05, 2011 12:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Vilie i tuilindo

PostAuthor: Huanarmo » Mon Mar 07, 2011 12:31 pm

Aiya Findegil,

This is a lovely piece to read. In view of the title it could even be dedicated to our dear friend Tuilinde. :)

I have printed it to study the metre scheme in more detail; it has been a long time since I studied poetry, and beyond iambic meter I struggle. I remember a quintessentially Australian poem that we were taught at school as a model of iambic craft; it was called 'The Bunyip and the Whistling Kettle', and this is the first verse:

I knew a most superior camper
Whose methods were absurdly wrong.
He never lived on tea and damper,
but took a little stove along.

'Damper' is a primitive form of bread, perhaps closer to a scone mix, or even to Middle-earth cram. A 'bunyip' is a mythical beastie of the Australian bush, perhaps akin to a troll. In the poem, the camper - who is far too sensible to believe in the existence of bunyips - is devoured by one, and his kettle continues to whistle on the little stove in the quiet bushland.

Márienna,
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Re: Vilie i tuilindo

PostAuthor: órerámar » Mon Mar 07, 2011 9:49 pm

Aiya Findegil,

Thank you for sharing this. Beautiful poem and beautiful translation.

Hortaxe = I think I shall never get myself to like this reflexive pronoun, but it's like the short locative, very useful alternative to "immo".
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Re: Vilie i tuilindo

PostAuthor: findegil » Mon Mar 07, 2011 10:15 pm

Huanarmo, hantale lyenna. Glad you liked it. And yes, I naturally thought of Tuilinde when deciding to post it here.

I remember a quintessentially Australian poem that we were taught at school as a model of iambic craft; it was called 'The Bunyip and the Whistling Kettle', and this is the first verse:
I knew a most superior camper
Whose methods were absurdly wrong.
He never lived on tea and damper,
but took a little stove along.


Indeed a form (accentual iambic tetrameter) very much favoured in Middle-earth: The Road goes ever on and on, Gil-galad was an Elvenking, A Elbereth Gilthoniel, Eärendil was a mariner, The world was young, the mountains green, In western lands beneath the Sun ..., - not to mention the Lay of Leithian.
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Re: Vilie i tuilindo

PostAuthor: findegil » Tue Mar 08, 2011 11:14 am

Thank you, órerámar! Appreciation from a true Quenya poet is gratifying indeed.

Hortaxe = I think I shall never get myself to like this reflexive pronoun, but it's like the short locative, very useful alternative to "immo".


Is it the -x- sound that you find disagreeable?
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Re: Vilie i tuilindo

PostAuthor: órerámar » Tue Mar 08, 2011 2:02 pm

findegil wrote:
Is it the -x- sound that you find disagreeable?


Yes, but the strange thing is that I do not find it unpleasant in every word, but just as a pronominal suffix. I quite like e.g. "nixe" or "tixe".
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Re: Vilie i tuilindo

PostAuthor: Tuilinde » Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:17 am

This is very beautiful, and I blush!
Thank you for posting it here Findegil, you do a lot for us in helping us to present our material in the correct forms, and it is a great pleasure to see your creative side as well.

Would you consider posting your Valinórenna as well for the pleasure of those who don't know it?

Thank you again

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