Cólo - Tanka

[órerámar]

Húmence lómi -
qui umnelte marillar
lá netyumnelte
aurenya alassenen
an cólo míre taite

New version:
Húmence lómi -
cé ahyaner marillannar
lá netyanelte
aurenya alassenen
an cólo míre taite


Sleepless nights -
if they changed to pearls
they adorned not
my day with joy
a burden more a jewel of that sort

Schlaflose Nächte -
selbst wenn sie zu Perlen würden
könnt ich mich ihrer
des Tages nicht erfreuen,
so schwer wär das Geschmeide


The original German Tanka was again first published in "Einunddreissig" an online Tanka Journal - February 2014 issue.


For those who read German, this Tanka was published with an analysis by Tony Böhle.

As usual, comments, corrections, etc. welcome.

[Aran]

As far as I can see, -umne is only attested as the Old Quenya future-in-past, not as the conditional mood. But we have a conditional mood in the Ambidexters sentence, where the pattern is ke + past tense in both clauses, but it describes a normal situation. In this case, I would replace ke by kenai 'if it be that' or kenasit, kenasta 'if it be so, may be, perhaps' (VT49:19) for something remotely possible or impossible (cf. Early Qenya naike (PE14:59)).
So: *Kenai náner marillar / lá netyanelte.

[órerámar]

[Aran]

[órerámar]