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Let's haiku

Haiku poems and other specific forms

Re: Let's haiku

PostAuthor: Lúthien » Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:41 pm

The second one reminds me of a Dutch children's song:

Roodborstje tikt tegen 't venstertje aan
Laat mij er in, laat mij er in
't Is buiten koud, en te guur naar m'n zin
Laat mij er in, laat mij er in


A robin is knocking on the windowpane
Let me in, let me in
It's cold outside, and too stormy for my taste
Let me in, let me in!


They're both lovely (meaning the haiku's in the previous post)!
I find the first one the most evocative though. I suppose that's because I find the image of silence returning and mistiness appealing; they are the things about autumn that I love.
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Re: Let's haiku

PostAuthor: Aran » Thu Feb 13, 2014 9:11 pm

Lenda ter osto:
Lastan quenion ómain,
Uan quettaryain.


On my way through the city:
Listening to people's voices,
Not to their words.
Last edited by Aran on Wed Feb 19, 2014 12:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Let's haiku

PostAuthor: órerámar » Thu Feb 13, 2014 10:38 pm

I like it, because it leaves room for one's own interpretation and the "quettaryain" had me think a bit. I had forgotten the -ya / -rya meaning.


For Haiku lovers, here is an article that may interest you :

http://ajw.asahi.com/article/cool_japan/culture/AJ201401260007

I was at the event mentioned in the article. It took place at the Swedish Permanent Delegation to the European Union on January 24th. The topic of the symposium was "Haiku Today in Europe and Japan" and the speakers were :

Herman Van Rompuy (President of the European Council)
Lars Vargö (Swedish Ambassador to Japan)
Willy Vande Walle (Professor at Catholic University of Leuven)
Akito Arima (President of the Haiku lnternational Association)
Toru Kiuchi (Professor at Nihon University)
and haiku poets from other countries such as Holland, Germany and England

Unfortunately, there was relatively little to be learned about Haiku today in Europe, as every speaker concentrated more on the full historic development of haiku in his country. In the Q/A session quite a lot of time was given to the 5/7/5 or not. The answer of Mr. Akito Arima was : "Make it short, short, short and adapt it to the rythme of your language." However, we did not receive an answer to the question of an American participant who wished to know what Japanese think about Gendai Haiku (the very modern version, sometimes consisting of just one word, or wordplays practised especially by American Haikuists). The translation of this simple question into Japanese took so long that the session was over. Very diplomatic :)
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Re: Let's haiku

PostAuthor: Aran » Fri Feb 14, 2014 1:03 pm

Van Rompuy's haiku is actually nicely translatable into Japanese because there is a correspondence to 'chiaroscuro', one puts 黒 kuro 'black' and 白 shiro white into a dvandva compound 黒白 or 白黒. It loses the reference to the painting style, though.

Make it short, short, short

Is that a haiku already?
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Re: Let's haiku

PostAuthor: órerámar » Sun Feb 16, 2014 3:38 pm

Van Rompuy's haiku is actually nicely translatable into Japanese because there is a correspondence to 'chiaroscuro', one puts 黒 kuro 'black' and 白 shiro white into a dvandva compound 黒白 or 白黒. It loses the reference to the painting style, though.

Interesting indeed, but the loss of the reference would be a pity. Do you learn Japanese?

"Make it short, short, short"

Is that a haiku already?


This is too modern for my taste, I don't like one-liners, it would have to be :
short -
make it short
short
:D

Here is one from Chrysanthemum #13, bilingual English/German on-line magazine :

sept -
ember by Carolyn Hall

translated into German by the author of the article "Das Haiku am Scheideweg"

Sept-
ember

In discussions, I offered a totally different translation. Can you think which one?
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Re: Let's haiku

PostAuthor: smuecke » Tue Feb 18, 2014 2:26 pm

órerámar wrote:In discussions, I offered a totally different translation. Can you think which one?

Scheiding maybe? The old German name of September? Would suit the article's title :D

I translated a Haiku to Quenya that I originally wrote in German:

    Pícala calar
    Olórië laireaurion,
    Néca yúcalë


    Dwindling lights
    Of dreaming summer days,
    A pale twilight.

I like how this works quite well in Quenya, even has some alliterations! :)
However, the second line has too many syllables ... hm, just read "ië" and "ion" as single syllables :D
An English version that fits the metre could be:

    Dwindling lights of
    Dreaming summer afternoons,
    Faintly a-glowing.

The original version from 26th September 2013 would be:

    Schwindende Lichter
    Träumender Sommertage,
    Kraftlos erglommen.


- smuecke
— smuecke ['smʏkə]
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Re: Let's haiku

PostAuthor: Aran » Tue Feb 18, 2014 2:32 pm

Do you learn Japanese?

Yes, and it is in fact my favourite among natural languages, lámatyáve-wise.

In discussions, I offered a totally different translation. Can you think which one?

The literal one seems to be
"Sippen-
Asche"

If it's based on the "put the X back into Y" joke, one can write a lot of these, for example:
"fun
eral"
or
"mans
laughter"
Okay, that's a bit morbid, but this is what I can think of right now..
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Re: Let's haiku

PostAuthor: órerámar » Tue Feb 18, 2014 11:00 pm

"smuecke" :
Scheiding maybe? The old German name of September? Would suit the article's title :D

No, my translation was the same as Aran's.



[list]Pícala calar
Olórië laireaurion,
Néca yúcalë


I like how this works quite well in Quenya, even has some alliterations! :)
However, the second line has too many syllables ... hm, just read "ië" and "ion" as single syllables :D


No cheating ! :)

I think it is possible to shape line b) down to 7 by changing olórie to oloste (UT:396) and by shortening laire: oloste lairaurion
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Re: Let's haiku

PostAuthor: órerámar » Tue Feb 18, 2014 11:13 pm

Yes, and it is in fact my favourite among natural languages, lámatyáve-wise.

Wow, I'm impressed.

The literal one seems to be
"Sippen-
Asche"


Yes, that was my solution and I think the word has to be read double, once together as the month and refering probably to september 11 and then separate as the consequence of it.

"fun
eral"
or
"mans
laughter"

Of this kind are a lot around also.
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Re: Let's haiku

PostAuthor: Aran » Wed Feb 19, 2014 4:19 pm

I think it is possible to shape line b) down to 7 by changing olórie to oloste (UT:396) and by shortening laire: oloste lairaurion

Since we have yáviére *'autumn-day' and tuilére 'spring-day' attested, I'd suggest *lairére. (And the same for our haiku contest translation, btw.)

I must say, though, that "kraftlos erglommen" sounds infinitely more powerful than the English and Quenya translations. Maybe you should consider publishing the German one.
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